Well someones awake somewhere..

Ah.. insomnia, your fickle friend. How we've toyed with each other over the years. You've kept me up till 3 AM. You've made me think I've been up till 5 AM. We've danced through dreams and zigzagged through z's. Why do we do this? 

Over the years I suffer from self-prescribed insomnia. The time on the blog will probably read incorrectly but it's currently 2:30 AM. I have the horrible condition I will christen lack-of-follow-through. Why? Cause I will be exhausted. Yawns by the dozens and blinks by the second. But, I can't shut my f-ing mind up. NO it just goes and goes and goes. talk talk talk talk talk. Refusing to let me to my desperately needed sleep. It's horrible. 

Body: "SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP."  

Mind: "Yeah, but think about that story how funny was it.."

Body: "I DON'T CARE I WAS ON MY FEET ALL DAY"

Mind: "C'mon it wasn't.."

Body: "3 MILES."

Mind: "Really? Remember that time we.."

Body: "OMG, JUST SHUT UP OR I'LL.."

Mind: "What?"

Body: "Tear up a Harry Potter book."

Mind: "YOU WOULDN'T"

Body: "I would now STFU."

Mind: "Remember in chapter.."

Body: -Throws pillow onto head and plugs ears- 

Mind: "Fine.. be that way."

Wow, I guess even at 2 AM I can't help but be funny. And completely arrogant that wasn't funny. And really harsh. And moody. And.. you know what I think it's time I stop typing and go drink some warm milk.. mm.. that sounds good. Hopefully I get extra -yawns- (YES!!) drowsy from this. This blog will probably become my late night haven of insomnia and my desperate pleas o get all my thoughts out in order to help me sleep. Maybe I'll make this a daily activity a short blog post before bed to let out all my thoughts.. that sounds nice. Well, that's all for today and tomorrow is going to be one AWESOME day.

Sweet Dreams

KCTW

P.S. The amount of edits I went through with this due to lack of focus was fairly amusing.

Sundays, Secrets, and Suicide.

Help somebody help somebody.

I found one way to track down my blog!

I was thinking WAIT what if someone has already wrote about Namichade? To google.

My results.

No worries, I guess.

KCTW

P.S. So now I can crush a hopeful writers dream, AND get a reader all in one search. yay.

P.P.S. Yay, one more result with this tag.

Do I look thick?

See, heres the thing. One of my big pet peeves is when people lie about things I'm smart enough to figure out. Example One: MY friends ex-boyfriend claimed he was in France. I said no hes not. I looked up flight scheules and asked 4 people what they'd heard. His little brother told my sister they went to Pennsylvania. And the fact that he was texting us at 4AM and his "flight stop" was in Iceland.. it was hands down the big HEY LOOK AT ME IM LYING sign.

No one believed me until I came up with hard evidence. Some still doubted until he finally confessed. So people don't try pulling the wool over my eyes because I'm smart enough to pull it apart. What brought this about you ask? Kristina. Today we had 'plans' to play Rock band which she got on Sunday but, apparently were just not gonna play. Why? Oh, no reason just were not. I smell something fishy. I text her. Nothing. I call her Nothing. I IM her on her phone. I get a "Hey, I'm watching Degrassi G2G bye." Hm.. why on God's green Earth would watching TV stop you from talking to me. 

So what does my instinct say, shes out with someone doing something that she doesn't want me involved with. And instead of telling me -Hey, I'd be slightly annoyed but, not angry like NOW- she decides avoid avoid avoid is the correct path. NO that is a path to HEY B!TCH TRY BEING NICE TO ME NOW. So explain yourself with a legitimate reason  or keep lying.

It's your funeral.

KCTW

Lundi Secrets.

Something rather impressive occurred today. On my daily troll though Post Secret for the comments approved by Frank i decided to go to the French Secrets. I figured this one out. The top was simple French "I am lost." the next bit i knew as "I search.." But, the human aspect of me took over and I immediately did an out of body translation as "a purpose for my life." I was almost completely right it's "a direction for my life" -roughly this is free translations.com so it's shaky- 

Hm.. so my french is getting even better. Or is it my compassion for other? 

KCTW

10 days!!

My birthday is in 10 days!! 10 to 15!!!

(fist pumps and dances)

Woo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Fixes tie)

Now, back to your regularly scheduled sarcasm.

KCTW

Dated:5/7/08

A fallen friend- Ralph

ha. Back from finals -I passed- and well.. I got some bad, no horrifying news. A junior Ralph Hilado took his own life early this morning with a bullet. I saw the facebook group and went "Wait who is that?" I did some research and realized "Oh, he's on cleaning crew" He and some red headed kid always came into our conflict room and ignored our "YOULL GET A SLIP"s I never -in the handful of times i remember-  can remember seeing a sad kid. He was always smiling, joking, our making someone laugh. He seemed like one of those overall happy kids. The general Chaminade consensus follows. No one understands how this happens. 

It's tragic. Some people said "I saw him hours after comps and he was going to the city and I wanted him to wait cause I was going to but, he left."   I cant imagine how it must feel to know "Hey, if I had made him wait or gone with him maybe I would've changed something" the guilt and anxiety on that persons shoulders is unbearable. Many people saw him after comps he spent most days doing cleaning crew so no one thought anything of it. All saying he seemed normal they wished him a good summer and went home.

But, sadly early this morning he stopped his own life for reasons unknown. It's horribly sad and my thoughts and prayers go out to him, his family, and anybody who knew this wonderful kid. And especially to anyone who saw him and now must bear the weight of the "What if.." don't play that game with yourself. Also to one of his closer friends Brian whos birthday was yesterday, the last day of school.

So, this is what the other side of blogging is like.. I think I'm ready.

R.I.P. Ralph Hilado

6/20/08

KCTW

WHAT TIME IS IT?

SUMMER TIME!!

Guess who WILL be back?

Me!! Yep after 5 grueling -haha- finals finally French finishes the forum of finishing.. yeah don't know where I was going with that.. sorry. So after oh.. noon tomorrow  expect an enormous post just gloating about how I've finished freshman year. Awww..I'm not a frosh anymore. We'll save that for tomorrow, so until then.

Au Revoir!

KCTW

Dad.

Happy Father's Day.

You Movie going, Entenmann's loving, lunch making Dad.

I love you.

KCTW

A Vacation.. without the fun

Yes, yes. You heard right I'm going on a tiny blog vacation. Not for any particularly pleasant reason.. unfortunately. No, it's because..finals. -gulp-

Wells comps. Which are aptly described on Facebook as:

"Comps- Take an SAT without the breaks, and section that isn't counted; make one of them for each subject you have; put these six tests 6 days in a row; make each of them worth 1/2 your overall average and 3 hours long; take all of this and you have somewhat of an idea of what hell truly is."

Mm..how I wish i was kidding you. No exaggeration is included in the above description. 3 hours. 6 days. Half my grade. So Thursday begins my journey down the road to hell. Next Thursday the end. So if you don't see me till a week from Friday it's because I'm so mentally exhausted I cannot possibly type a sensical word OR I'm so physically exhausted i cannot type. period.

I might write up some stuff to be posted during the week.. in between hours of studying.

Wish me luck.

KCTW

Quatre Ane pour une secret.

Four years for a  secret.

That I can understand.

In French.

I want to be a size zero

-But I'm not rather strong-

and then to become a mannequin.

Well, I did know what it said until translating and noticing I'd thrown in some words. Maybe next year. Until then,

Bonne Nuit

KCTW

Is it normal to be so f-ing mad?

JIM. The most.. AHHH I WILL KILL HIM ONE DAY. SWEAR TO GOD.

He comes down stairs while I'm audio chatting with my friend:

Jim "Kevin what did you do today?"

Kevin: "Nothing"

Jim" It was gorgeous out."

Kevin " It was ninety degrees out" -friend points out it was ninety four-

Jim "So why didn't you go and do something?"

Kevin -shrugs-

Jim "Why don't you go to the park?"

Kevin "And do what with who?"

Jim "who're you talking to?"

kevin "Kristina but, she can't do anything."

Jim "Okay then call up your other friends Kevin."

Kevin "They probably can't do anything"

Jim "Call them"

-pause-

Jim "Seriously, get a life."

Kevin "OH YEAH ILL GET RIGHT ON THAT"

Jim "GIVE ME ANOTHER WISE ASS REMARK AND I'LL BE THE LVING SH*T OUT OF YOU"

Kevin -tried to control himself

-minute later-

(While walking upstairs)

Jim "You're such a waste."

Kevin "IM A WASTE OKAY" -rips out head phones and end conversation with friend- "I'M THE WASTE CAUSE I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TODAY CAUES I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT"

Jim "You're over reacting. A waste is just a name for people who waste the day."

Kevin "AND A F-ING A**HOLE IS A NAME FOR SOMEONE WHO ANNOYS PEOPLE ABOUT NOT DOING SOMETHING EVEN THOUGH IT WAS GORGEOUS OUTSIDE."

-Jim walks away-

Let's break this down.

Kevin " It was ninety degrees out" -friend points out it was ninety four-

NINETY DEGREES I opened the door at about one today and felt the surge of heat. Sounds like oodles and oddles of fun.

Kevin -shrugs-

Jim "Why don't you go to the park?"

• A) It's 90
• B) I don't feel like it
• C) Everyone is busy
• D) I DONT WANT TO 

Jim "Okay then call up your other friends Kevin."

-Jim LOVES to push the fact that I should hang out with other people besides who I usually hand out with. I GO TO SCHOOL WITH PEOPLE I NEVER HANG OUT WITH. I"M COMPLETELY CONTENT WITH SEEING THEM THEN AND MY FRIENDS ON THE WEEKENDS. Needless to say I'm tired of this topic.

Jim "GIVE ME ANOTHER WISE ASS REMARK AND I'LL BE THE LVING SH*T OUT OF YOU"

-And I'll have fun explaining this to Mom, Dad, and every relative and person you know and work with. Try explaining to your boss why you beat up your 14 year old brother or living that down with your roommate next year.

This happened 5 minutes ago. I'm still furious and my blood is still pounding unnaturally. Jim annoys me so much. He need to go back to school. And LEAVE ME ALONE.

KCTW

P.S. And pay me the money he owes me.

Endings.

-Note this was started in late May but, for obvious reasons I postponed it-

"Nothing gold can stay." Never so much in my life has that fateful line from the Outsiders resonated with me. Endings, for all that begins the end is inevitable.

Why so gloomy? Well endings have been anything but far and few between this past week. Some tragic, some exciting, and some just bittersweet. But, there is a purpose behind them all and a reason each happened. Let's go.

Bittersweet. The End of VMK was bittersweet. 2 years of, often inconsistent, devotion was all proved frugal when Disney decided that the year of a million dreams mantra was a joke. If you didn't hear, no surprise, Disney decided that it's virtual world VMK, opened solely for the 50th anniversary, would shut down. Fans across the world cried out "Why!" and THEY fed us bullshit about the project never meaning to go into its 3rd year. Well hey sherlock THEN WHY DID YOU LET IT? No one was forcing you to update everything weekly and create new and better things constantly. You shot yourself in the foot and are now blaming the kids for it. The biggest speculation behind this is that Disney has recently created many other online worlds with 'pat for play' features. VMK is free. So the Disney machine has gotten revenue from all the in-park quests, hotels, and parks but none directly from the game itself. So pull the plug.. hey stupid MAKE IT PLAY FOR PAY. I heard so many people say I would stop paying more such and such if VMK was PFP. Obviously no one at Disney has common sense. That game was fun but, I often got bored. Oh well..

Exciting. The end of college was exciting.. for Greg. Last Saturday I go the pleasure of driving up to good ol' Poughkeepsie to watch 692 kids graduate before greg did. It was great, really it was. Sun beating down my neck, no breakfast in my stomach, peeeerfect. It was kind of cool though seeing him graduate, but the diploma comes in the mail... sureeeee Greg. And then a forever ride to god knows where for dinner. A 45 minute affair lasted 1 1/2 hours with 9 people and a voiceless waitress. Overall the experience was fun. I got to FINALLY see his apartment it was fairly nice. And got to see the stairs PLENTY of time with boxes and shelves and drawers in my arms. 

Tragic. The end of.. of Trevor, my dog.. was.. was tragic. Oh, god that was difficult. The Beatitudes should be helpful but, just annoying really. Those who mourn will be comforted. Ehhem!!! Over here, mourning waiting.. for the comfort. Anytime soon, no? So how did it happen? 4 Am I was woken "We're going to see Trevor" Ok, well he was really sick so this makes sense cause we'll be at Greg's graduation (YES It happened on his graduation day) Hmm.. little did I know. An hour off runny noses, wet eyes, and sad faces left me exhausted. No comprehension. No thinking. No nothing. The day was so exciting and filled with activity no one turned on the light switch in my head, until the car home then it was clear. Unfortunately clear. 9 years had ended, forever. I wished I could've stayed at Marist permanently the thought of going back into that house was unbearable. A week went by where every spot had his furry face. His bowl was in the sink for the last time, his leash on the steps not be used again, and my mom I guess in her own therapeutic way threw out one of his stuffed animals, well OURS but HIS. I returned the bunny to its place and moved on. Horrible. But, the horizon wasn't soo daunting a new puppy would be arriving. Not for me but, for Abby a golden doodle named Mae, part Golden Retriever, how perfect? I guess for every door closed another opens. I haven't told my friends except one who my situation I had to. I don't intend on doing that for a while, if they notice I'll explain but its not their burden to bear. The wound is raw, the healing has yet to begin but it will. I hope.

KCTW

The End.

Some motivation and Some things to do.

The previous post was done via- 43 things. A site that lets you write down and keep track of everything and anything you want to do. I have 28 right now but, 43 is 2 weeks away knowing me. This seems to be that boost I needed cause as we can ALL tell I have not been you to my normal over-active blogging prowless. Maybe it's finals.. who knows life's been so crazy. And I'm 14. (Only for 27 more days though.)

I still have some posts in the editing process one quite deep and special I've put off specifically. Let's face our fears and let's dive in. 

What do you want to do?

KCTW

P.S. I promise you after finals I'll be back. 

P.P.S. I got a phone. Yeah mommy!!

In general- #1 from 43 things

This is the beginning. The beginning of the beginning. Of a wonderful story. A brilliant adventure. A an eye opening experience. I know the ride’ll be bumpy. But, I’ve got a seat belt.

So 43 things, or 28 for me. I’ve got only so much time to do them in. I give me.. 7-8 years? tops. I know this’ll be forgotten by next June but in 2 years I’ll refind it and have to re-list half of these (hopefully) cause my life’ll be even more complete (completer?)

So thing numero uno. Write out all my stories, idea, and books i think of. I’m creative I have the gift of word. Song.. not so much. Art.. closer but, no dice. Words, syllables, sentences, paragraphs, and chapters define me. I write in my head constantly the words flow beautifully and naturally, correctly 90% of the time. So its time for me to FINALLY get these thoughts down and I already began.. only the rest of the book left. I’m gonna need my trusty pal Abby’s help.

Hope I enjoy the ride.

KCTW

P.S.  See more progress on: Write out all my stories, ideas, and books I think of